What is Rape..........

Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse, which is initiated by one or more persons against another person without that person's consent. A person who commits an act of rape isknown as a rapist.  The act may be carried out by physical force, coercion, abuse of authority or with a person who is incapable of valid consent. The term is most often defined in criminal law. 

When I told others about my rape, an embarrassed silence felt like shame to me.

"I'm sorry is the best reaction." 

Do not use phrases like:
"It could have been worse"
"Life goes on"
"What did you do to cause this?"
"It doesn't sound like it was a bad rape"
"I'm going to kill him"
"You are married to him so it can't be rape"
"Can we talk about something else, this is disgusting"
"I know him and he would never do that"
"Are you saying this for attention"
"If it was rape, why didn't you report it?"
"Why didn't you scream or fight?"
"But you went out on a date with him"
"Maybe if you didn't drink yourself into a stupor, this wouldn't have happened"
"You need to just get over it and move on"

Do use phrases like:
"I'm so glad you are here with me"
 "I'm so glad you confided in me"
"It will take time, but you will get through this"
"I am here for you"
"What can I do to help?"
"Blame lies on the attacker"
"You didn't do anything wrong"
 "Is there anyone I can call that you would like to share this
with?"
"I'll be by your side through it all if you need me"
"Rape is more than sex, it is a total violation"
"I've never been raped but as a woman I feel your pain"

Friends - Family - Students - Teachers - Doctors - 
Care Givers - Law Enforcement
Don't react with anger, silence, avoidance, blame, 
doubt or give bad advice

       Please Don't....tell us

• it's just sex.
• tell us we could have avoided it.
• Make fun of us.
• tell me not to talk about it.
• blame me.
• say things like, "it's been over six months" you should be over it by now.
• give the idea that rape only happens to "those" kind of people.
• tell us we are weak because it impacted our life.
• tell us we could have done something to have prevented it.
• tell us we did something to deserve it.
• push for details if we are not ready to share.
• say things to make us feel like it was our fault.
• tell us you understand if you have never been raped.
• break a confidence if asked not to.
• make this about you and what you would have done if it happened to you.

Donna's tips when responding to someone who has been
the victim of rape. 

• Be unconditionally supportive by being prepared for any type of emotional reaction.
• Don't interpret a calm emotional reaction as if a rape had not occurred.
• Be calm when approaching. Anger will only contribute more trauma to the victim.
• Don't overwhelm the victim with being overprotective or patronizing. 
• Encourage them to get medical attention and a medical exam to provide evidence for Law Enforcement.
• Whether going to a hospital or rape crisis center, request a private waiting room.
• Stay with the victim.
• Call family members, friend or significant other if requested by the victim.
• Make sure the victim has a fresh set of clothes to leave in.
• Follow-up with the victim.   

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